Children and Trauma: A Parent's Guide to Helping Children Heal by Cynthia Monahon (Read 1/24/18 to 1/30/18) - 2 Stars

I had picked this book up, thinking it would help me help my children through the trauma of the divorce and all the ugliness before it.  But I felt that this was not the book I thought it was.  It said it was for parents of children who are traumatized by disasters, accidents, or violence.   So I was thinking my children seeing my Ex's abuse of me and destruction of our home, then his attack on my father constituted violence.  I wasn't wrong, but this is for children who are much more traumatized than mine.  It had some interesting insights and tips for helping children, but I felt like it was for parents who had truly been traumatized by horrific things and in comparison mine were just fine, healing quite nicely thank you.
I think that for what the book actually is, Monahon did a great job providing support, suggestions and tips for parents to help their children.  It was very comprehensive, with case examples, some of the case examples were really hard to read.  If your child has been in a hurricane, car accident, kidnapped, seen someone die, etc this is the book for you.  If your child is suffering from some lower-grade trauma, divorce, changing schools, death of a pet, well this may not be the book for you.

Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood (Read 1/21/18 to 1/24/18) - 5 Star

I had some very mixed feelings going into this book.  It was recommended to me 3-4 years or so ago by my therapist, and I have only now gotten around to reading it.  Even though I stopped therapy 2 years ago this month.  I was nervous to read this book, scared that I haven't come as far in my healing as I felt I had, that it would show me how much further I have to go.  And I am scared to write this review, because my reading showed me that the woman who this book would have helped 3 years ago, isn't the woman I am today, but I still need to be vigilant and continue on my path.  I feel that I have set a standard of honesty in my blogging, when I first set up my blog my goal was to post my honest opinions about ALL the books I read.  The last few years have been a bit sporadic.  I barely blogged at all last year.  But I re-commited my self this year, and I feel that I need to live up to that commitment.  I'm fully aware there are few if any regular readers, so commitment is not for others.  I felt that by skipping this book because it makes me uncomfortable, would be reverting back to old behaviors, that I would be hiding from instead of facing the truth.  I know that there is also shame involved, shame of who I was and I don't want everyone to know that "bad" part of my past.  But I feel, right or wrong, that skipping this review would be regressing for me.  And I have fought too hard and long, and done so much work on my healing process to back slide now.  But be prepared, this is going to be a very personal review.

This book is about examining relationships, and how a person, mostly women, participate in those relationships in an unhealthy way.  I loved my ex-husband too much, he wasn't the worst one I had loved too much, but he was the one that I changed after. The entire book was like reading my journey in the 4 years that followed, 2 years of very intense, very regular therapy, and then 2 more years of continuing the growth and the skills I had learned and application of them, to reaching where I am now.  I understand why my therapist wanted me to read this, it describes the way my marriage was at the end far to perfectly.  The preface spoke to my state of mind when I started seeing her in 2014, "Indeed that both were literately dying of their addictions, he from effects of chemical abuse, she from the side effects of extreme stress."  I still cringe at calling myself addicted to love, it has such negative connotations in my mind, but just because I don't like it doesn't make untrue. 

The book  says "Loving too much does not mean loving too many men, or falling too often, or having to great a depth of genuine love for another.  It means, in truth, obsessing about a man and calling that obsession love, allowing it to control your emotions ad much of your behavior, realizing that it negatively influences your health and well-being, and yet finding yourself unable to let go.  It means measuring the degree of your love by the depth of your torment."  That was me, maybe not the way I viewed myself but me.  

There are 15 characteristics of a woman who loves too much.  Some of them I fully agree with, some of them I feel like are not really applicable to me.  But lets look at them:

1. "Typically, you come from a dysfunctional home in which your emotional needs were not met."  Yes, I absolutely did.  I faced the falling apart of my family, in a very long drawn out and very high conflict way, starting at about the age of 8.  I had no financial security because we were constantly on the verge of loosing our home.  I couldn't trust my family members to not betray or lie to me, not even my parents.  My parents themselves, made me a full working partner of the conflict, and put the burden of making adult decisions, in the form of a "vote" on shoulders that were far too young and far too immature to handle it.  So we have all this emotional and financial issues at home, then we pile on it a large amount of bullying at school.  To me it felt extreme, but I am not sure that the word is appropriate in today's world, I sadly hear about children on the news the have it much worse than I did.  But in my life, from 1st grade until about my sophomore/junior year of high school,  going to school was hell.  There were times I was physically ill because I couldn't handle the abuse of the other children and it would get me sent home and away from them.  I never did contemplate suicide, nor in the 80's/90's was that something my bullies told me to do.  They just enjoyed making me feel small and stupid and ugly.
2. "Having received little real nursing yourself, you try to fill this unmet need vicariously by becoming a care-giver, especially to men who appear in some way needy."  I was the perfect child.  I did not get in trouble at school and I always did what I was told.  We lived on a 50-acre working ranch, and both my parents worked full time off the ranch by around age 11.  So I became a latch-key kid with a lot of responsibility.  I had a lot of chores around the ranch, not that chores are bad, but there was a large amount.  I was responsible for not only daily cooking, cleaning, and laundry in the house.  But because we had animal I was in charge of daily feeding, milking, cleaning barns and lots of other regular animal maintenance.  All of my friends knew that if they wanted me to be able to go out to do things they would have to come assist in my "chores" before I could go.  Outside chores would usually take me 3-4 hours a day to complete then I would need to cook dinner and clean up after dinner.  Somewhere in there I need to find time for homework too, because I needed to maintain my A average.  Because if I was perfect, then everything would be ok.  My sense of self worth was a result of the carrying responsibilities that were very nearly beyond my capabilities as a child,  I earned approval by working hard, taking care of others and sacrificing my own wants and need to others.  I was a great martyr.
3. "Because you were never able to change your parent(s) into the warm, loving caretaker(s) you longed for, you responded deeply to the familiar type of emotionally unavailable man whom you can again try to change through your love."  My dad is a quiet man, he doesn't express feelings of love, he was always willing to give a hug or tease, but he rarely would compliment or say he loved me.  My mom was always cold, but the longer the situation at home, the fight for our ranch, carried on the more distant and colder she became.  She shut down, and sadly she is a very closed and bitter woman today.  Sometimes it is still hard to be around her.
4. "Terrified of abandonment, you will do anything to keep a relationship from dissolving."  Absolutely, I had a bad habit of holding on far too long, and way past a relationships expiration date.  
5. "Almost nothing is too much trouble, takes too much time, or is too expensive if it will 'help' the man you are involved with."  I threw money at my ex-husband and our relationship that was unreal, expensive gifts and trips we couldn't really afford, anything to "make him happy."
6. "Accustomed to lack of love in personal relationships, you are willing to wait, hope, and try harder to please."  Again, I would do anything for the person I was with.  If I could just wait it out, if I just had faith in our love, if I worked just a little harder, it would all be ok and we could be happy. 
7. "You are willing to take far more than 50 percent of the responsibility, guilt, and blame in any relationship."  It took my therapist a long time to convince me that I was not 100% responsible for the issues in marriage, that I had no control over his choices, and that my choices were not directing his.
8. "Your self-esteem is critically low, and deep inside you do not believe you deserve to be happy.  Rather, you believe you must earn the right to enjoy life."  I was "like many women who love too much, she was obviously a very responsible person, a high achiever who was succeeding in many areas of her life but who nevertheless had low self-esteem."  I did not believe I was worthy of love, I did not believe I was lovable, I saw my self as an ugly, stupid, horrible woman.  Between the bullying in school and my rapist and his verbal abuse, I was shattered and all I could see was the broken ugly edges of myself. It took me a a very long time to love myself, and sometimes I still don't.  
9. "You have a desperate need to control your men and your relationships, having experienced little security in childhood.   You mask your efforts to control people and situations as 'being helpful'."  I would go to extreme lengths to "help and support" him, which in actuality meant I enabled him, and was controlling.  Because making him "live up to his potential" I was rescuing him, which made me the hero, and I could control (or at least thought I could control) the damage he could do to me.  I should not have been surprised our relationship imploded.  
10. "In a relationship, you are much more in touch with your dream of how it could be, than with the reality of your situation."  It was this dream of a perfect marriage that I was chasing, the perfect family yada yada yada.  I kept up the illusion very well and rarely let other see the issues inside my home.  In fact, my divorce came as a complete shock to some since I had done such a good job of keeping up the illusion of a happy marriage.
11. "You are addicted to men and to emotional pain."  This is the hardest one for me to relate to, I did have quite a string of poor choices for partners in a row, and they did cause me a lot of emotional pain.  But it is the word addict that I shy away from, that is still the hardest for me to claim.
12. "You may be predisposed biochemically as well as emotionally to abusing drugs, alcohol, and/or certain foods, usually sugary ones." I have never had an alcohol or drug abuse issue.  I drink, but not excessively, and my dislike of drugs (even just weed) was a major fight with my ex-husband constantly.
13. "By being drawn to people with problems that need fixing, or being enmeshed in situations that are chaotic, uncertain, and emotionally painful, you keep from focusing on your responsibility to yourself."  I focused on building my ex-husband up, his teenage years had been very awful, drug problems, getting kicked out of his house at 16.  I felt he just needed someone to show him how great he was and he could shine.  As the marriage fell apart I focused on our relationship, and fixing it rather than looking at myself, because looking at myself meant I had to face my own demons.  My role in my marriage was to understand, encourage, and improve my ex-husband.  That doesn't sound so awful does it, but it doesn't work that well when the person providing this "help" is not healthy herself, who uses him to focus her energy on instead of her where it should be herself.  This left my ex-husband, resentful and critical of me, and I stopped being a solution to his problems and became the cause of them in his mind.  Which as the relationship continued to fall apart, and the harder I tried to fix and failed, the more desperate I became.
14. "You may have a tendency toward episodes of depression, which you try to forestall through the excitement provided by unstable relationship."  I have had 2 episodes of depression, the first was right after my rape.  The second was in 2014, and one of the reasons I began seeing a therapist.
15. "You are not attracted to men who are kind, stable, reliable, and interested in you.  You find such 'nice' men boring."   This was true, I never wanted the nice guy.  I wanted the "bad boy" reformed by my love, but still a little dangerous.  I am very happy to say, this isn't the case any more, these are the exact qualities I want and in dating after my divorce if they were missing, the stable and reliable most importantly, I rejected them.

So if seems like a lot of self reflecting and self-analysis, that is because it was.  The 15 characteristics of a woman who loves too much was briefly described in chapter 1.  The  next 9 chapters discussed those 15 concepts in greater details, and with some examples from case studies.   "A Woman who loves too much is used to negative traits and behaviors, and she will be more comfortable with them than with their opposites unless and until she works very hard to change the facts for herself."  This is why my years of therapy were for me, I finally choose to change the facts for myself.

There were a few sections that really stood out to me.  The chapter about needing to be needed, spoke volumes to me about growing up too fast and learning how to take care of everyone but ourselves.  I didn't begin to learn to care for and love myself until I started my therapeutic journey in 2014, at the age of 34. 

I was amazing at denying, denying there were problems with my relationship and with myself.  This denial was a major contributing factor to my marriage ending.  First the issues was the denial itself, the fact that I painted that perfect couple image.  Then when I stopped denying, he was unable to face the truth himself. 

During my time in therapy, the more I healed, the more I faced my demons and faced my co-dependency and addiction to love (never called that by my therapist), the worse things got with my ex-husband.  The book takes about love addicts being married to alcohol or drug addicts who decide to get sober, and things getting worse for the woman because "His recovery made her lack of recovery to obvious for them to be comfortable together any longer."  Except in my case I was working on recovery and he was not.  Reflecting on this, I realize my recovery may have pushed him further into his addiction, and he absolutely did try to sabotage my recovery.  This does not mean I take responsibility for his addiction or his actions while high in any way. His choices were his and his alone, I cannot control his choices, then or now.  But I do acknowledge that may have had a part in his decision process, most likely on a subconscious level.  Understanding his potential state of mind, does not mean I have a responsibility or guilt for it. 

Another chapter that spoke deeply to me, was the chapter discussing the fairytale of Beauty and the Beast.   This as always been my favorite fairy tale, I always felt though that the general conception of the story was wrong.  It is generally thought that Beauty's love for the Beast is what transformed him into the prince.  And yes on the surface, that is what happened, but even as a small child I knew that there was more to the story, but I couldn't explain what it was.  Reflecting now, back on it, I couldn't explain it because I didn't understand the concept of acceptance.  Beauty and the Beast is about acceptance.  Beauty accepted the Beast for exactly who he was, she didn't want to change him, she didn't ask him to change for her.  She did not pity him, she saw both his good and bad attributes and loved him for the whole package.  Because of her attitude of acceptance, the Beast was freed to become his own best self.  His turning into a prince was a symbolic projection of Beauty being rewarded for her acceptance with her own perfect partner, and not a transformation of the Beast into something he wasn't.  This showed me that the place of acceptance of others and myself, that I am finally reaching, is a goal that I have been striving for since I was a girl.  A goal of who I wanted to be before I even fully understood what the it meant.  Acceptance and being accepting of others struck a chord and has remained there from a very early age, and I am finally able to realize that ability and practice it.

Of course this book doesn't just tell you how you are loving too much, it gives you 10 steps to recover.  I am proud to say that I have completed 9 of the 10 steps.

1. Go for help.  This was me getting into therapy.
2. Make your own recovery your first priority in life.  This was the first hurdle I had in therapy, making my therapy a priority.
3. Find a support group of peers who understand.  This is the one thing I did not do, I never felt comfortable about going to an Al-Non meeting or any similar support group.  But I did turn to friends.
4. Develop your spiritual side through daily practice.  I think this is why buddhism and the writings of Thich Nah Hahn spoke so strongly to me.
5. Stop managing and controlling others.  This was letting go of the need to control other in my life and realizing that I can not control their choices and actions.  This was a very hard one to do, thank goodness my therapist was there to help me.
6. Learn not to get "hooked" into games.  This is the dangerous one still, because I have children with my ex-husband there are custody issues, and this is where I am most likely to backslide.
7. Courageously face your own problems and short comings.  Again therapy, and facing those demons.
8. Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself.  Continuing to grow as a person with books such as this, a process that will only end on the day I die.
9. Become "selfish."  This one is hard too, but I have learned to ask for what I want and and need to take time for myself.
10. Share with others what you have experienced and learned. This is why I blog, both with my other blog and this one.

After my divorce, I took some time off from men, I got my head on straight, I got to a place that based on my feelings, and confirmed by this book is a much healthier place relationship wise.  But I want to state clearly, that I no longer need to be in a relationship to be happy.  I was and am still able to be alone and find joy and be happy.  But I do enjoy being in a relationship, and I feel that because I did the work and learned to love myself, the relationship I have now is a healthy one, and many of the actions and habits that I previously did I am not repeating with my current relationship.  

The book described eros and agape love, Eros is the "passionate" love, the all consuming obsessive love.  A sense of suffering and a willingness to endure pain and hardship for the sake of the relationship.  That doesn't sound healthy does it, that sounds like my marriage and many of the relationships I had before it.  That sounds like exactly what I am working to not have.

So what I want is agape love.  "Agape: Real love is a partnership to which two caring people are deeply committed.  These people share many basic values, interests, and goals, and tolerate good-naturedly their individual differences.  The depth of love is measured by the mutual trust and respect they feel towards each other.  Their relationship allows each to be more fully expressive, creative and productive in the world.  There is much joy in shared experiences both past and present, as well as those that are anticipated.  Each views the other as his/her dearest and most cherished friend.  Another measure of the depth of love is the willingness to look honestly at oneself in order to promote the growth of the relationship and the deepening intimacy.  Associate with real love are feelings of serenity, security, devotion, understanding, companionship, mutual support and comfort." "For the trust and honesty of agape, must combine with the courage and vulnerability of passion in order to create true intimacy." The book explained it so concisely and exactly for what I want now that I had to quote it.  This is my goal now, this what I want and deserve from a relationship and I refuse to settle for anything less.  I refuse to manipulate my way here, only by accepting the other person for who they are, by allowing him to be who he is and by being who I am fully, can we reach this.  I think that I can recognize, strive for, and am currently cultivating such a relationship shows how far I have come in my journey.  

If any of this reminded you of yourself, I recommend this book.  I have touched on my personal revelations from this book, but there was so much more that didn't apply to me, but may to you.  

The Woman in the Window by A.J. Flinn (Read 1/20/18 to 1/21/18) - 4 star

This was a book from my #onceuponabookclubbox for January.  This book was marketed as "a twisty, powerful Hitchcockian thriller about an agoraphobic woman who believes she witnessed a crime in a neighboring house."  The story is told from the point of view of the main character, Anna Fox, a recluse in her New York City home, unable to venture outside.  Anna spends her days drinking wine, watching old movies, and spying on her neighbors.  Then the Russells move into the house across the way: a father, a mother, their teenage son, a seemingly perfect family.  But one night Anna sees something she shouldn't; and it leads to her world crumbling as reality meets the fiction she has created.

I was super excited when I saw the Gillian Flynn review on the cover. But I'm sad to say it doesn't live up to her writing.  If I was to compare it to anything, it would be The Girl on the Train.  Which I enjoyed greatly, so that is still high praise for this book, I was just hoping for a bit more I suppose.  I would, and in fact already have, recommend it to friends.  The story moves along nicely, the writing is good, and I really like Anna Fox.  She is a hot mess, but a likable and relatable hot mess.  I liked the mystery, it wasn't a completely new idea, but I enjoyed Flinn's spin on it.  The back story to Anna was pretty easy to decipher, I had it figured out by page 106.  The "villian" however did take me almost to the end of the book to figure out.  Overall this was a very enjoyable read, and I really wanted to find out who the killer or if there was one, it kept me turning pages fairly quickly.  

Divorced from Justice by Karen Winner (Read 1/13/18 to 1/19/18) - 3 Stars

The second book from my pile was Divorced from Justice: The Abuse of Women and Children by Divorce Lawyers and Judges by Karen Winner.  This book was published in 1996, so it is outdated, sadly I can still see that even now 22 years later a lot of the same issues are present.  "An investigative reporter and former policy analyst, Winner exposes the corruption at the heart of the American legal system and demonstrates exactly why divorcing women -- more than half a million in the U.S. per year -- face terrible economic hardship after being processed through the legal system. This landmark expose, based on years of painstaking research and documented with compelling, real-life stories, paints a vivid picture of a divorce industry fueled by greed, favoritism and self-interest, and a judicial system that claims to value the sanctity of family yet allows unethical judges and attorneys to exploit and manipulate the laws for their own benefit." (Excerpt from back of book.)
This book would have gotten a higher rating if it had been more current, it got as high of a rating as it did because sadly it is still relevant.  It focused a lot on poor billing practices, which I am not sure are still prevalent, I had no issues at all with my lawyer's billing and I felt she was very reasonable and fair.  I wish it had focused a bit more on the bias issues, and it didn't touch at all on the issue of parent alienation, which I feel is a larger issue now.  It was eye opening as to the fact that some of these issues have been around for so long.  I feel the reading it after my divorce was final made no difference, the data is a little too outdated to be useful.  I wish the writer would do a revised version, she if and how things have changed in the last 22 years.

Sing Your own Song: A Guide for Single Moms by Cynthia Orange (Read 12.28.17 to 1/1/2018) - 3 Star

Well, I fell off the wagon last year, I published almost no blogs.  It was a year of recovery and change and finding my footing again.  I did read though, quite a bit actually.  I managed to read 66 books in 2017.  But I want to get back into the habit of blogging my reviews, so starting with the first book I read in 2018, lets do this.

I purchased as a "gift" to myself when I refinanced my house, most of my wish list from Thrift books, lots of them are considered self help, or self improvement books, there are also a ton of parenting books, so be prepared for a lot of non-fiction reviews this year.

The first book I choose from the pile was Sing Your Own Song: A Guide for Single Mothers by Cynthia Orange.  I finished it on the first so it barely made it into the 2018 year.    This is a book for single mothers about how to cope, finances, love etc.  It "brings equal parts information and inspiration to this pragmatic yet soulful guide for single moms. Managing time and money, juggling the demands of work and child care, balancing personal needs with parenting responsibilities-these are the everyday concerns Orange addresses with preach-free common sense and welcome candor. Interwoven with firsthand stories and experiences, Sing Your Own Song resonates with affirmation and support for single moms everywhere. "

Some things have changed in my life, and I'm not single but we haven't reached the point where I'm not a single-mother though either.  It's changing, and bit by bit my boyfriend is stepping into a parental role, but we aren't rushing it.  So reading this book gave me some mixed feelings, it was and it wasn't appropriate for my life stage.  At least that is how I felt until I read it.  There was a lot of great advice about how to parent.   That family isn't defined by anyone besides those who are in it.   That the relationship that I have with my best friend across the country, my best friend down the street, my boyfriend and my parents are all part of the definition that makes up "My Family" and that makes up the definition of family for my children.   That I have created a community, without realizing it, I have a strong support system for myself and my children.  That I take the time to take care of myself, that it isn't really taking away from my children as allowing me to be whole and that gives them more than running myself down ever could.

It wasn't until part 5, Raising Reslient Children, that I started to feel like the book was reaching out to me instating of just re-affirming my actions.   "It is not our job to protect our children from life.  It is our job to ready them to meet life's challenges with grace and confidence so they can discover how they might turn the challenges into opportunities."  I have always felt this way, but I hadn't been able to state in so cohesively before.  This section spoke to me, and gave some great tips about listening and how to really prepare my children in 10+ years to fly the nest.

I felt that this was a good book, I think that if I had read it a year ago I would have found it more helpful and probably have given it a 4 or a 5 star rating.  But it was more of a confirmation that I was on the right track, rather than assistance to get where I already am.

2017 - April to Now

Well once again, I have done it.  I fell off the wagon and having been publishing my books.  Ooops…here’s another omnibus of my reading.

Sandman Slim (Sandman Slim#1) (Listened 4/14/17 to 5/9/17) – 3 star

I really liked the book, the problem is that it was an audiobook it at some point I lost track of where I was and who with who because it was audio and I had to restart it. I think that if I had read it rather than listen to it probably would've given it a higher rating. At the same time the narrator is really good and I do want to finish the series.

When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron (Read 4/30/17 – 5/17/17) – 3 Star

This is another Buddhist teachings based book, about how to find happiness and peace when suffering from our current lives situation.  This had some passages that spoke deeply to me, that I used as a jumping off point for some posts on my other blog.  She doesn’t speak to me as deeply as Thich Nhat Hahn does, but I still found plenty of insight in the message she was telling.

The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo (Listened 5/26/17 -5/28/17) – 0 Stars

This was an audiobook the kids and I listened to on a road trip.  It was light and fun, and it really kept my son’s attention.  We had seen the movie, but as usual the book made far more sense and explained what was happening way better than the movie did.

 Love and Gravity by Samantha Sotto (Read 5/24/17 to 5/28/17) – 4 Stars

This was from my subscription box Once Upon A Book Club Box.  I read the back, and I was thinking it would be a meh book.  Time travel, romance, and Issac Newton.  I didn’t expect to like it as much as I did.  The time hopping aspect had a chance of being very confusing and hard to follow, but Soto did a really good job of keeping the reader engaged and able to follow.  The presents that came along at various points were lots of fun too.

Escape from Mr. Lemoncello’s Library by Chris Grabenstein (Listened 6/11/17) – 4 Star

This was an audio book that I checked out at the same time as The Tale of Despereaux but we didn’t listen to on the trip, so I listened to it while doing chores.  It was a fun light read that has a puzzle solving aspect that I enjoyed, it is aimed at younger readers, but was still a lot of fun.

The Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman (Read 6/15/17) – 4 Stars

I had read the original 5 love languages while still married, and I had this one to see if there was any new insights for being back in the dating world.  There wasn’t.  There was the same info I had before.  The reason it received a 4 star instead of a 2 star though is because it had a lot of great insight on how to interact with others in your life, such as parents and co-workers that I found extremely helpful and applicable.  The premise is the same for love languages across the board, but the practical application in day to day life I found very valuable.

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen (Read/Listened 4/4/17 -6/16/17) – 2 Stars

This was a BOTM book club read.  I was bored out of my mind, as you can tell by how long it took me to finish.  It was just more Jane Austen dribble about finding a husband, and miscommunication in the process because how could anyone ever actually talk to anybody, they just go by rumors and gossip blah blah blah.  I find Austen completely unromantic and dull.

Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic by Esther Perel (Listened 6/4/17 – 6/19/17) – 2 Star

This was a recommendation by a co-worker.  It was talking about how the domesticity kills lust, but that there is a way to keep it alive.  It just didn’t seem to strike a chord with me, it was all stuff I felt like I already knew, there was no revelations here.  It felt like common sense to me.  I was a little bored.

American Heiress: The Wild Saga of the Kidnapping, Crimes, and Trial of Patty Hearst (Read 6/4/17 to 6/19/17) – Not Rated

I knew nothing about Patty Hearst going into this book.  I found her story interesting.  However the writing of the book itself left a lot to be desired.  There were far too many tangents to keep track of what was happening.  I would often get lost because the author would go off on a side story for 5-10 pages before coming back to Patty and I rarely saw the point of the side story.

The Experiment of Dreams by Brandon Zenner (Read 6/5/17 – 6/26/17) - No Rating

BOTM reading.  It was a quick read, it was a mystery thriller sort of.  Printing things from your memories, but there a twist of a dark and dangerous past.  It didn’t really stick with me, and I had practically nothing to comment on during the read itself.

A Strange Companion by Lisa Manterfield (Read 6/26/17 – 6/27/17) – 4 Stars

Another Once Upon a Book Club Box read.  This one was still ok, I liked it the least so far.  I think on this one, the gifts really helped keep me engaged, it was about reincarnation and lost loves.

The Forever Watch by David B. Ramirez (Read 3/1//17 – 7/5/17) – 3 Stars

This was from a book box I received in 2015, I believe it was a Star Wars Box.  Obviously, this book didn’t grab me.  I had to restart and finish it mostly because I was tired of seeing it on my Current Reading list.  I would say that the last quarter was good, the storyline started moving and it had a great ending, but sadly the 1^st 3 quarters were hard to get through.  Very slow and just didn’t peak my interest.

My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman (Read 7/5/17 – 7/21/17) – 4 Star

This was a NNCC read.  I really enjoyed it, the writing was humorous and the characters were very engaging if not likable.  The author did a great job of keeping me guessing as to who was the bad guy and what the secret was.

The Painter by Peter Heller (Read 7/21/17 to 7/25/17) – 1 Star

This was my last BOTM club book I read this year, it was after this one that I decided I needed a break.  I HATED this book.  I couldn’t stand the characters, the story line left nothing to be guessed, the ending pissed me off.  There was too much fishing talk and it added nothing to story.  The main character was an asshole and I didn’t feel sorry for him.  The tragedy of his daughters death was stupid, the author made it seem like it was a big EVENT, which yeah she died but the method was idiotic.

The Saturday Evening Girls Club by Jane Healey (Read 7/26/17 – 7/30/17) – 4 Star

This was a really fun Once Upon a Book Club Box read.  It is set in the 40’s and follows a group of friends through an importan year in their lives, they all had different backgrounds and dreams and it was just a fun “Chick Lit” book.  The writing was good, the storyline flowed really well and I enjoyed it.

My Story by Elizabeth Smart (Listened 7/26/17 – 8/7/17) – 2 Star

I checked out this audio book for a drive and I regretted it.  It was boring.  I felt like the entire book was Elizabeth saying, no I never was brainwashed and defending herself.  Which maybe she felt the need to do, but it got a bit redundant.  Also her timeline was hard to follow.

The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman (Read 7/30/17 – 8/20/17) – 3 Star

I think besides the 5 Love Languages for Men, I have read them all now.  This was more of the same from the other books, and it was a lot of the same info.  There were some insights for kids, but nothing that was as revolutionary as I had hoped.  It was a still a good read, and hopefully it can help me reach my kids better.

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters by Ben H. Winters (Read/Listened 4/5/17 -8/23/17) – 2 Stars

So same story as original, in fact a lot of original text was used.  But now there is a sea monster element.  It was still just as dull and hard to get through though.

Number the Stars by Lois Lowry (Read 8/24/17) – 4 Star

This was  nice light read about WWII and thwarting the Nazi’s.  I enjoyed it, WWII escape/survivor stories are a genre I really enjoy.  The stories that encompass the human resilience gives me hope.  The lengths some ordinary people went to, to help the Jews and other persecuted ones, amazes me and fills me with hope for humanity.  We are not all as selfish as we appear, or at least we are capable of not being so.

The Lightkeeper’s Daughters by Jean E. Pendziwol (Read 8/27/17 – 9/1/17) – 3 Star

This reminded me a lot of the Orphan Train, felt like almost the same story just I a different setting in fact.  I feel like if I hadn’t read orphan train, I would have enjoyed this much more.  But it felt like a re-read instead of a new read.

The Magician's by Lev Grossman (Read April 2017) - 2 star

This is my April NNCC book club selection.   Quentin Coldwater is a high school student who himself admitted to a very secretive and exclusive college of magic in upstate New York, Brakebills. This book was explained to us as an Adult version of Harry Potter.  And yeah the first part it, it is after part one that things go wonky.  Part 1 Quentin is in college and we get to have fun learning all about his magical school, it was great.  It had much more adult themes and there was drugs, and booze and sex, it wasn't Hogwarts for sure.  I enjoyed this section, I wish it had ended when he graduated, because it went down hill from there for me.
Then Quentin graduates and suddenly we are in Reality Bites, he doesn't know what to do with his life after graduation so he does NOTHING.  He is lazy and parties every day, eventually fucking up his relationship with Alice (an amazing girl) when low and behold his old school rival shows up with a magic button.  And suddenly we jump from Reality Bites into the Narnia novels, only they set in Fillory to avoid copyright issues I think.  Again much like Hogwarts, Fillory i.e. Narnia is a much darker place than the originals.  I felt like all the idea in this book were just recycled, lets take another books storyline, darken it and call our own.  I was very disappointed.